For the last five years I have worked with some amazing teachers but one spoke volumes to me as I was making a regular IT run like any other day. He was talking about jealousy and that it is not something to want or have. How many times we feel we aren’t good enough because someone is doing something better than us or they have something we only wish we had. I don’t think there is any of us who have haven’t felt like that at one time or another. I know when I was fresh out of college in my twenties, I was jealous of friends and people I knew who had full time jobs, were getting married, starting families. I was living in an apartment owned by my parents. Working crazy hours almost all the time and sitting in front of my TV either playing video games, watching a movie or on my computer working on a comic book webpage hating how I didn’t have what others had. Then you know, things changed, I moved out of the apartment, got married and had a family of my own but then of course, I was unemployed, ended up living with my in-laws and hating and yelling at my student loan and credit debt on a regular basis. Hating how unwanted I felt in the job market. Praying and wishing I just had what others had, wanting to be nominated for awards when I do just as good of a job as others. In the last year I have been so tired of selling off collections to cover an expense or wishing my wife had a job again. Not understanding why I can’t just do something like others to turn those sad matters around and start feeling at peace again.
We don’t plan or want to get in those types of traps but it happens. Doesn’t matter how successful we are or what we have in the long run. When something is going much better for others we tend to lose sight of our lives and want to be like others. Something my co-worker said during his class that really hit me was when he said: “You don’t think those people don’t feel the same way?” “You don’t think for everything they have done, they are praying or wishing for something someone else takes for granted?” Its true, I remember a very good friend of mine, he has done it all. Married his old love and is now getting ready to celebrate almost twenty years. Has his own business, kids have their heads on straight and doesn’t worry about any real debt outside his house. However, you know what he really wishes he had? His father back in his life who passed away when he wasn’t even 30 years old due to cancer. He hears about others complain that their fathers never change or come to visit as much as they should. His response: “At least they are still there.” Only his oldest son who is about to be a junior is high school remembers his father the other two children have no memories as one wasn’t born yet and the other was barely two when his father passed way.
It is amazing that no matter how young or old we get or how much success we have, there is always something we just want that others have. It can be as simple as the right color for our chair or as meaningful as a family member who is no longer around. Its hard not to be jealous of something and there are days when we can’t think about how blessed we are for what we have instead of what we don’t have. Trust me, the last few months how many times I have yelled at the student loan and credit debt that has plagued me for the last decade that never seems to want to ever right itself no matter how successful I am or what I sell nothing changes. It just wants to constantly be over my head and others have to remind me of it being there so many times. Where my response is: “I know its there, its on me every day but I have to try and not have it be on me every second.” My co-worker ended his class with some great words saying that there will always be one more thing every day but ever time we see it. We have to look at something we have that would truly devestate us if it was truly gone. Because once something is truly gone no amount of jealousy will ever bring it back. We have to be courteous to others and ourselves no matter what we don’t or do have. We can’t be like everyone else. We are who we are, with our strengths and our weaknesses. We are who we are and that is what should always matter instead of what we don’t have in a figurative or literal sense.